Done

I don't care none! I'm completely done! What now, son!

I don't know what my future looks like, and it scares the hell out of me. And when I think about why I even do anything? Where I'm going? What I've done and How I act? It's all too grim. I keep busy so my mind cannot veer too far from this creek I've created for myself.

Cute diy CD card

So you have a CD. Not just any nice clean CD. Its used and cant be over written or edited. It one of those CDs. Yea. So what do? What do? Well, let me tell you what do for YOU!

Take the CD, some colored poster paper or thick paper, and tape! Or Glue. Or anything to connect the two. Now you have a 3D card just like those in stores. Plus this ones shiny and special effecty, just like in stores! So why give these power hungry stores money for their special paper when you can get the same thing for less than free?

Honestly, this was less than free for me. I used free paint samples, a sample CD of a college acapella group, and markers. It was fun to spend my break on, and I got a happy friend in the end! So it cost me none, but I got fun ( and friends, thats important too)!

You know it. Finals.

Don't care for fashion, you don't need a guy.

Don't care for luck, it's hard work that'll keep you alive.

Art's ok, but keep it at bay.

It's not the class or the teacher,

nor is it Life in your way,

It's YOU!

Your time, Your work, your investment 

is all that'll keep you afloat.

Old Poem I Wrote Last Semester

UMD fall 2013

Fall and winter

Colliding so

Here stands

The man of snow

Confronting all 

With a frozen pose

UMD winter 2014

Dancing Through Life

The trouble with languages is
They're always so many diffreneces
Believe me, i've given up on enough of them to know
They all have their own rules, theyre own grammar
But i say
Why abide trying
Stop speaking so broken
And learn to live a monolingual life...
Dancing through life
Memorizing
Word after word and grammars too
Lifes more painless,
For the gainless
Stuffing our brains
Ever so endless

Dancing through life
Wish i could ace it
Trying to slough it off as you do
Nothing matters but knowing nothing matters
They're languages, so keep trying too
You're dancing through life,
skimming and cheating,
Slacking off and just having fun
Never trying, giving up on
anything that gets confusing.

I always know and have learnt more than i recall.
Come on give me a break.
They keep harping on me,
just trust me
GEE!

.........
Parody of Dancing through life...  I don't have a singing voice, so I'm not going to try and hurt your ears.

Smell it

Would I want to try to "fix" myself to smell again? If it were at all possible? Honestly, I don't know. Sure it'd be wonderful to be able to know what people are talking about when they say this smells like flowers, this room is musty, this reminds me of this because of this other smell. Are there any smells I want to try in particular? The earth after a rain. Lemon. Flowers. Clothes! Febreeze. Musty dank basements. A burnt omething. I want to know how it is to "taste" food coupled with smell and then be disoriented by not being able to smell when I'm congested. As mysterious as these sound and as much as I want to, There's also a part of me that doesn't want to. What if doctors could let me smell again? What if it's not all it's hyped up to be? I already can guess and imagine vaguely what smells are like due to descriptions, taste, temperature (unless this is not a thing, then oops!), how it feels, and all my other senses. So what if I can smell and it's not all that different from what I can already guess at? Then would it be worth it to be able to smell, then not be able to avoid smelling bathrooms? Dirty messes? Overwhelming perfume? Farts and such? Is being able to smell bad milk, fire/smoke, and all good scents worth also having to smell all the bad parts of life? Maybe for someone who's grown up with smells and can't imagine everything having no scent/odor. But me? I can't imagine being able to smell. It's new and unkown to me. Alien. And if I correct my sense to work again, I'd lose this part of me who is able to guess at smells, play along and pretend to smell, this part of me who has grown up thinking I can do just as much while also being different.

Isn't this the same for the Deaf? They can't hear but they've grown up without it and can do without it and if suddenly you give them a sense of hearing, they'll lose a part of them, and to some it may or may not be worth it. I cannot imagine comparing being deaf to being anosmic, but it's the closest I can think of.

Know

We strive to understand things that we have no business understanding.

Is it there?

Do you know?

This is what I know.

I'll tell you.

one flew over the cuckoo's nest,

two flew over my face

and three fell from the tree.

But the question remains,

Is it there??

While this is totally random,

I am completely serious.

Yogurt Bagel

Healthy, sweet, and delish! 

Learn

To learn a language, you must Speak And Repeate!

Once,

Twice,

And thrice again!

Read and write,

And write what you read!

Repeate, repeate!

Oh the benefits you'll Reap!

The past is in the past.

You'll never get anywhere by tiptoeing around. You confront issues, head-on. And if you step on a few toes, so be it. Toes are on the ground and bound to be stepped on. But you can't tiptoe around issues. We NEED to get past the past. Get over what happened and DO something about it. TALK about it. And if the only way I can talk about it is by joking about it, then LET me. Atleast I'm taking a stand and letting people know how I feel about the issue. "If I'm flying solo, atleast I'm flying free." Free of the weight of suppressing my opinions and free to speak my mind. And don't you dare bring religion and god to the discussion table. How are we to argue with that? If we honestly say that nope, no god has anything to do with that, then you'll be offended and instead of tacking the issue, we're going to be tackling each other. If I agree and tell you ok, your god is true and let's discuss with Him/Her in the picture, then I'm not being entirely truthful, now am I? So maybe I compare the stress of school to the cruel duress of humanity represented in the Holocaust Museum. Am I wrong to say they are both long, enduring, and miserable? And that there is a high power pressuring humans in both situations? And am I wrong to say both the museum and college receive many visitors come to share the in awe the lives represented by both? Colleges get kids coming on field trips, and the Holocaust museum gets visitors in field trips and from all over the world as well, come to think of it. Is there not some truth in this? And who am I attacking in talking about the event? I'm not offending Jews for saying I'm happy about them dying and suffering until death. I'm comparing the elements of both situations. And for god sake, I'm comparing school to the holocaust MUSEUM! Not the specific ethnic groups. I comparing the fact that in both, outsiders come to see the face of these lives, and the outsiders don't truly know the misery behind those lives they see. If Jews are offended I'm comparing this, shouldn't I be offended people nonchalantly talk and joke about concubines? they were sex slaves. But I've heard jokes of "they're the bottom bitch" "Oh, yea, they were porcupines bred in China" "They're just royal sex slaves, women for the king's enjoyment."

I'm Chinese and a woman. Am I offended? No. Honestly? This is true, and the play on words is clever, and when you get right on down to it, this is the essence of a concubine. But it was in the past, and whether it was 3 years ago or 3,000 years ago, it is still the past. It's time to move on. 

Want to see the post I was talking about?

"kids take FIELD TRIPS to college, but why? if they knew this is the source of our misery, where youths are force to sleep 3 hours a day and study 24-7, and go bankrupt while buying financially unsound meal plans, they would not be so excited to come here. But then I guess it's the same as people taking trips over to the Holocaust museum, staring in wonder, reading in awe, and imagining the unimaginable horrors of human mass suffering."

the one difference is that the college thing is light stress, and the Holocaust was a crime. But I never said mentioned in the post that the Holocaust was enjoyable for visitors. It may be interpreted from the comparison, but was not at all mentioned nor intended.

This

There was just an overwhelming sense of DejaVu that day. Something about it. Maybe I just hadn't seen such beautiful rain in such a long time. Rain that colors the skies fading shades of purple, orange, grey. But also a contrasting eminent future awaiting its grand entrance. Something was going to change. I could feel it, but I just couldn't name it. A feeling of dread, a feeling of burdens burying my cries. My chest tight with worry. Guilt. Anxiety. I could breathe, but just barely. It was a feeling reminiscent of a past long forgotten prying its way to the top. A past I tried to keep hidden. A past fighting for its time to shine in the wrong place. In the wrong person.





                             This is Doom.